In the last three weeks after a long period of doing well, my good old friend MS has decided to annoy me again.  Generally I have been doing very well over the last few years, managing my almost daily symptoms and I would say that thankfully I haven't experienced what I would call a full on relapse. However in the last few weeks one symptom that effects many MS'ers across the world has came back with a vengeance. The symptom is this general unwell feeling which is very hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. Most people who have MS will get this but It sort of sucks the life out of you, drains you of energy, clutters your brain, and mixed in with pins and needles in my head, arms and a burning sensation all over my body - sounds brilliant ey? well its not so nice to be frank.

The medics will tell you that this is a flare up of symptoms, but what they won't tell you is why this happens.  This is what frustrates the hell out of me.  MS comes at you out of the blue.  I remember my first attack in 2006 like yesterday, it literally wiped me off my feet and knocked me out for a few years... yes years.  In the last few weeks I've struggled to get through the days, but because Ive no option right now, I do what I can, and keep pedalling hard against the wind. Its all I know..!

85miles into my Ironman Triathlon in September, I was going to get off the bike and just sit on the side of the road with my head between my legs and give up.  I was exhausted and for those who followed my Ironman journey, at that point in the race I thought I had been disqualified.  The little green man in my head was telling me to give up, whats the point, your out of the race, you weren't strong enough. The good news is I didn't stop, I kept pedalling and I also finished the race and got my medal.  Whenever my symptoms flare up like whats happening now, that little prick resurfaces also.  Its hard to explain but its sort of the same, encouraging me to give up, questioning everything positive, eating away at me.  Well just like Ironman, I won't be giving up, I won't be giving in, I will keep pedalling hard as I know that with effort, commitment and belief these clouds will pass.

When my MS symptoms flare up it is one hell of a reminder how most people take their health for granted.  Its only when you don't feel well that you appreciate what its like to be healthy.  Having your health is a blessing and one that you should be very thankful for.

If your little green man is throwing obstacles at you, I would encourage you to keep going, keep pedalling and as Churchill has famously said "whilst running through hell, keep running".

#Attitude Is Everything

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